


The Hardest Part

by SmoakingGreenArrow



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 13:46:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19617589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmoakingGreenArrow/pseuds/SmoakingGreenArrow
Summary: Prompt: What if Felicity found out she was pregnant with Lucas after Oliver left and she'd have to raise both of their kids without him. Then Oliver would come back five years later to check on his girls only to find Mia playing with a slightly younger boy who looks exactly like him.





	The Hardest Part

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blondeeoneexox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondeeoneexox/gifts).



_I'd give anything just to be with you again_

_But it's not the right time._

_And I'd give anything just to you feel you on my skin_

_But it's not the right time. It'll never be the right time, will it?_

_It might never be the right time, and that's the hardest part of it._

* * *

He wasn’t supposed to be here...but Oliver couldn’t help himself. 

His instructions had been very clear. Evaluate the anomaly in Star City. Assess for danger risks and possible threats to the fabric of the universe. Report back to the Monitor within twenty four hours. But that anomaly led him right to an office building downtown. And that office building had a large banner next to its doors that stopped him dead in his tracks. 

‘Smoak Technologies: Grand Opening! Friday at 7:00pm’.

Oliver couldn’t help but step forward, his feet taking him through the open, welcoming doors. 

Whatever had caused the anomaly, it was here. He told himself that he had to go inside. That he had to investigate. He would _not_ get his hopes up. He would _not_ let himself wonder if she was inside. 

Yet he hadn’t taken a breath since he saw her name on the banner. 

Taking in the lobby, Oliver tried to focus, looking for any kind of clue that could’ve caught the Monitor’s attention.

The space was decorated with bright colors, tables lining the windows that varied from hors d'oeuvres, to favors, to product samples. It was set up for her party, the grand opening of the company she’d always dreamed about. He stopped at one of the tables, forgetting all about his mission when he noticed the rows of pamphlets lined up neatly. 

Felicity’s face was on the cover, compelling Oliver to pick one up. He stared down at her picture for a long moment, knowing that five years had passed since he’d last seen her, yet she looked just as he remembered her.

Her smile felt a little different, even through the quick snap of the lense...something missing in her eyes that made his chest ache. Still, she was just as beautiful.

“Guests will be arriving in one hour, people!” 

A voice called from down the hall, “I promised Ms. Smoak that this night would go smoothly, please make sure everything is where it belongs.” Oliver stepped back from the table, rushing for the closest escape that wouldn’t put him back out on the street, as the voice grew closer. 

He’d just made it safely up the flight of stairs at the middle of the lobby when the woman came around the corner. She and the three people trailing behind her looked to be from the catering staff. “And for goodness sake, Hannah…” the one in the front continued, turning on the others with an exasperated sigh. “ _Please_ go change your shirt. You spilled champagne on it and now it’s stained.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the girl named Hannah squeaked, rushing back down the hallway they’d just come. 

Oliver took his eyes away from them, knowing that the lobby was too exposed for him to get back out of the building without being seen by one of them. Especially in his leathers. He had nowhere else to go but up. Glancing down at the pamphlet still in his hands, Oliver traced his thumb over Felicity’s cheek, then he quickly tucked it into the inside of his suit, making no apologies, even to himself, for taking it. 

Straightening his back and feeling the weight of her photo under his suit, Oliver moved down the hallway at his left. He followed the dark path slowly, scanning his surroundings, focusing once again on the task at hand.

Five years. 

He’d been doing this for five years, but it was hardly ever predictable. The missions never seemed to go as smoothly as he and the Monitor hoped. Being here; _home_...Oliver didn’t expect anything less than chaos.

Sometimes, the irregularities were easy to find; creatures who stood out like sore thumbs on an earth where they didn’t belong. Other times, it wasn’t so simple...if his objective intentionally traveled too far from home, and they didn’t want to be found. Just as with any of these little recon missions the Monitor sent him on, Oliver knew that he had to prepare for the worst.

It was just that here, _the worst_ was personal. Oliver didn’t want any of the destruction and death he’d seen since the Monitor took him anywhere near this place. Anywhere near _her_. And that put him more on edge than he’d been in all his years away. 

So, when Oliver heard footsteps approaching from behind him, his hand immediately reached back for an arrow.

But then he _recognized_ it. The quick, confident, but somewhat clumsy sound of heels clicking against the tiles. 

He _knew_ it. 

Oliver ducked into a corner just as her voice reached him. 

“No,” Felicity was saying, “if it worked, I think we would know by now, don’t you?” As she paused, Oliver fought with himself, wanting to peek around the corner so he could see her. Just _once_.

Her footsteps grew closer as he listened, “I know, I know. I’m already running late.” Oliver froze as he heard her soft sigh, holding his breath when he realized that she was no more than a few feet from him now. 

Felicity breezed on by, shifting the phone to her other ear and humming in agreement with whoever she was speaking to. “Call me if you find anything, okay?”

Stepping out from the corner, Oliver followed her silently down the hall, careful because he knew how perceptive she could be. But Felicity was too distracted to notice him. Between the rush she was in and the conversation, Oliver was able to trail her up another floor and to the other side of the building before she turned into one of the offices and shut the door behind her. 

Hesitating outside, Oliver weighed his options. 

His head screamed at him to keep moving. _Walk away._ Continue on through the building until he found what he was looking for. 

Leave as if he’d never been there. Let his wife be. Get out before he caused her more pain than he already had, and on a night that was important, too.

Realistically, Oliver knew that coming face to face with Felicity again wouldn’t end well. Not when he’d just have to say goodbye all over again. But there were so many things he wanted to say to her...and his feet refused to budge. He couldn’t take his eyes off the door, nor could he convince himself to walk away.

_How could he?_

How could he just fall back, pretend he was never here? That he never saw her. Surely, the Monitor underestimated his self control.

Before Oliver had a chance to decide one way or another, to stay or to go, he heard a high pitched squeal from the other side of the door. 

His heart jumped into his throat. His hand was reaching for the knob without a second thought, ready to bust inside with arrows flying. But then he heard another squeal, and this one sounded different, less jarring and more playful. And it was followed by a fit of laughter that he was sure he’d hear in his dreams sometimes. 

“No, mommy!” The little girl’s voice screeched from behind the door. “Don’t! No more tickles, please!”

“Okay, okay,” he recognized Felicity’s answer, muffled through the wall between them. Her voice dropped, words spoken that were too quiet for him to make out. Oliver leaned closer to the door, his forehead nearly touching it.

And then suddenly, the knob began to rattle, and he leaned back with a harsh _‘shit’_ under his breath, darting around another corner. Hiding, once again, in a place that should be familiar to him, and from people who he shouldn’t have to hide from.

He had enough time to get out of sight, luckily, since Mia could barely reach the door and it took her a few tries before it finally swung open. 

“Leave it open, honey!” Felicity’s voice called after her. “And stay right in the hallway where I can see you.”

“Got it!” Mia answered dutifully. 

This time, Oliver couldn’t help himself. He peeked his head around the corner, laying eyes on his daughter for the first time since she was a baby. 

Mia was tall for a five year old, just like he’d been. Her hair fell above her shoulders, curly and wild in a way that he knew Felicity had probably given up trying to tame. 

“Come on!” Her sweet, tiny voice called, her hand waving excitedly.

Oliver watched as a little boy, not much younger than Mia, but almost a whole head shorter, came running out into the hall after her. He couldn’t quite make sense of the image, the two of them, unable to wrap his head around what it meant. He knew it was Mia instantly, recognizing his daughter before she’d even opened the door. But the boy, he hadn’t seen coming.

 _A friend of hers, perhaps?_

Something didn’t sit right about that idea, though. The boy was tiny and slightly clumsy, but he looked…like _him_.

Oliver’s eyes burned, unblinking as he stared at the boy. 

_It couldn’t be…_

“Come on, Lucas!” Mia took his hand, leading him over to the window. Oliver choked on a wave of emotion that hit him full force, crashing down as soon as he heard the name. “Mama wanted us to play out here while she gets ready!” 

Mia pressed her head against the glass, looking down at the city, and Lucas quickly copied her, his little hands and nose squishing against the window.

He hadn’t been _planning_ on seeing Mia when the Monitor had sent him here, or Felicity for that matter. Yet, he realized now that he had been _hoping_. 

He’d had a feeling that the anomaly had something to do with his wife, and he hadn’t been all that surprised when the trace brought him right to her door. Maybe he’d even been relieved, finally finding his chance to check on them...

But seeing _this_ ? There was no relief in Oliver’s body. Only an overwhelming sense of dread. _He had another son._ Another son who he didn’t know existed, who he’d never had the chance to meet, who was currently growing up without ever knowing him. And it hurt.

God, it _hurt_.

His eyes welled with tears, but he didn’t bother blinking them away because he couldn’t take his eyes off of Lucas. Not even for one moment.

“Mia?” Felicity called from her office, and Oliver finally brought his eyes back to the door, seeing his wife peek her head out from her office.

She looked gorgeous in a purple dress, her hair in a familiar ponytail that made his chest ache with _want_. Her feet were bare, her hands reaching behind her back as she wrestled with the zipper. 

“Right here, mama,” Mia sing-songed back, making both Oliver and Felicity smile.

He had half a mind to step out from the shadows, if only so he could ease the zipper up like he’d always used to do. He even missed _that_. 

A lot, actually. 

But Oliver had realized a long time ago just how much he’d taken for granted those simple things; like helping his wife into, or out of, her dresses.

Too distracted by the scene in front of him, Oliver didn’t notice that someone was behind him until it was too late. And he had a knife pressed sharply against his throat. His eyes flew to the assailant, his instincts kicking in, ready to kill whoever came close to his family. But the familiar face in front of him made him stop.

“Don’t move,” Nyssa growled, her lip curling with a snarl.

Oliver bit his lip in irritation as Nyssa kept the blade against his skin, leaning around the corner to look into Felicity’s office. He could hear his wife’s voice, trying to find a way so that Mia could reach the zipper to help, both of them giggling over it. 

Nyssa straightened, meeting Oliver’s eyes again. “Head to the house,” she ordered, not seeming very surprised by his presence. “I will meet you there in thirty minutes. And stay out of sight.”

“The house?” Oliver blinked in confusion.

She raised an eyebrow, finally dropping the dagger, placing it back into the waist of her jeans. “Your house,” Nyssa deadpanned. Before he could ask a single question, Nyssa stepped out from the corner, a wide smile already in place. “Hey, little ones!” She called, catching Felicity’s attention and making Oliver stand stock-still. 

He waited in his hiding place long enough to understand that Nyssa had come to pick up the kids while Felicity attended the party. And the whole thing seemed so foreign to him.

The presence of the ex-assassin was enough to pique his curiosity, though. Why Nyssa? That, combined with the shock of learning about Lucas...and Oliver threw the Monitor’s entire mission out the window. 

He quickly made his way down the hall, intent on finding a back exit that he could slip out of. 

And then he headed straight out of town, not stopping until he reached the place he’d once called home. The only place he still wanted to call home.

* * *

The safe house looked exactly as Oliver remembered it, but he didn’t dare go inside. He knew Felicity well enough to know that there were probably alarms set up at every possible entrance. Even if he made it inside without a disaster, she would probably still have a way of knowing if someone entered the house.

So he waited. Hanging back by the treeline, he waited for almost an hour until a car pulled into the driveway. And as soon as it did, both of the back doors flung open and Oliver found himself biting back tears again as his kids jumped out, racing each other to the house. 

Nyssa got out of the car a moment later, a smile on her face as she called after them, “don’t let him win, young one! You mustn't lessen your abilities, not even for the comfort of your own flesh and blood!”

Mia rolled her eyes at the advice, reminding Oliver of Felicity. Of the sassy confidence that had captured his heart instantly. And she ignored Nyssa anyway, clearly holding back so that Lucas could make it to the door first. “You won,” Mia panted, following her brother into the house.

When Oliver glanced back towards Nyssa, her eyes were already on him, like she’d known just the spot he’d choose to wait. “Come,” she lifted her chin, her gaze cold and calculating. Untrusting. 

He stepped forward into the yard, glancing up at the windows where he feared that Mia or Lucas might look out and see him. “Inside?” He asked quietly, unsure if Nyssa heard him until she answered.

“The children will not recognize you.”

That had Oliver snapping his attention back to the woman. But she simply shrugged, explaining, “your wife does not keep reminders of you, and they are still too young to ask.” Nyssa sighed, “she will tell them, when the time comes.” She gestured towards the house, “come on, then. We have plenty to discuss before Felicity’s party is over.”

“You know what caused the fracture that brought me here, don’t you?”

Nyssa stared at him for a long moment, her expression obvious. _Duh_. “Of course I do. Your wife,” the woman answered. “Felicity was trying to get your attention.”

Oliver froze, his eyes widening as he stared at Nyssa. “Why?”

Nyssa sighed, rolling her eyes. “Come inside, Oliver. You and I both know that conversations like this have no place out in the open.”

His jaw clenched, but it simply wasn’t possible for him to refuse. He nodded once, knowing that he needed answers, and Nyssa al Ghul was his only option. And of course, he wouldn’t mind catching a glimpse of Mia or Lucas again. Or their home. 

Nyssa nodded back, leaving him to trail behind her as she made her way into the house, letting herself in as if she’d done it a million times before.

“Why are you here?” Oliver couldn’t help but ask, his voice sounding less than pleased about it. But it was Nyssa, so of course she didn’t get offended. Instead, she grabbed a sweatshirt hanging on the wall next to the door, tossing it to him. Oliver looked down at it, confused until Nyssa waved a hand at his leathers. 

_Right_.

He removed his quiver and jacket, stashing them behind the door, and quickly replaced it with the sweatshirt. Oliver didn’t realize that it was his until he had it zipped up, but when he looked at Nyssa, she just shrugged, “your wife likes it.”

With his heart in his throat, not caring about Nyssa’s analyzing gaze on him, Oliver pressed his nose against his own shoulder, smelling her scent on the well-worn fabric. He closed his eyes, memories of her rushing into his mind; the simple, delicious, comforting smell of her hair reminding him of a million moments they’d shared.

“I’m here because,” Nyssa interrupted his reminiscing, sighing as she let his behavior slide without comment. “After you left, Felicity asked me to come. She wants Mia and Lucas to be prepared.”

Oliver’s eyebrows pushed together. “Prepared? Prepared for what?”

Nyssa narrowed her eyes at him, “you’ve been running around playing bitch to the Monitor in order to stop the worlds from collapsing together, and you ask me what she fears for their future?”

He swallowed, his jaw tightening. It wasn’t that he never considered his children could be in danger because of the life he and Felicity had once led, or because of the lives they were currently leading, or even because of things completely out of their control.

His hope that Mia, and now Lucas, could be _just kids_ had been wishful thinking. Oliver had always feared that Mia would get roped into a mess one day, one way or another. “So what?” He mumbled weakly, “you protect them?”

Nyssa nodded gravely, “with my life.”

“Why?”

At the question, Nyssa’s eyebrows furrowed, considering it. Then she raised her chin, answering confidently, “because they are special. And despite the pain our families may have caused each other, you and Felicity have always shown me kindness and assistance when necessary.” She shrugged, “I am doing this because your wife asked.”

Oliver stared at her, trying to see if that was the truth. Eventually, he decided that he believed her. “Thank you,” he whispered, offering his hand.

For the first time since she’d caught him at Smoak Tech, Nyssa seemed to relax. She smiled as she took his hand and shook it. “You’re welcome.”

After that, she answered all of his questions without resistance. Nyssa told him all about Felicity’s research on time travel, the multiverse, and the alarmingly growing weak spots between worlds. She explained that with the help of Cisco and Star Labs, Felicity had been working to put out small fires across time, and had somehow realized Oliver’s involvement in all of it.

Ever since then, apparently his wife had been dedicated to finding him, orchestrating ripples in the barriers of the universe that she hoped would make it to the Monitor’s radar, while carefully avoiding holes. 

“That’s insane,” Oliver finally sighed when Nyssa finished. Worry settling in his bones, hating that he had no idea what Felicity had been up to; from her risky plan to their second child, they’d had no way of communicating. And then he wondered out loud, “so why didn’t you tell her? When you saw me at Smoak Tech...why didn’t you tell Felicity that it worked? That she got the Monitor’s attention and he sent me here?”

“Will you be staying?”

No matter how much he groveled, the Monitor’s answer would never change. Any chance he stood against making it home, Oliver knew that it would only end in him being dragged right back. He shook his head slowly, and Nyssa gave him a sad smile. “Well,” she whispered, “that’s why. Your wife still has far too much hope for her own good.”

Shifting uncomfortably on his feet, Oliver opened his mouth to reply, but stopped when he noticed Lucas standing in the doorway of the kitchen, shuffling shyly as he watched them. “Hey,” Oliver immediately breathed, feeling like his racing heart couldn’t take much more of this day. 

“Lucas,” Nyssa smiled, beckoning him over. “This is Aunt Nyssa’s friend. Would you like to say hello?”

 _Aunt Nyssa?_

Oliver frowned, not sure how he felt about an ex-League member, daughter of Ra’s al Ghul no less, viewing their children as her surrogate niece and nephew.

Slowly, not taking his eyes off of Oliver, Lucas approached. “Hi, I’m Lucas,” he introduced himself, letting Oliver hear him speak for the first time. His voice was as small and as calm as the boy in front of him. “What’s your name?”

Dropping to a knee, Oliver forced a smile. “Hi Lucas,” he did his best to keep his emotions in check. “I’m....Joe.” He looked up at Nyssa for help, but she shrugged, not offering any assistance. “I’m uh, I’m a friend of your Aunt Nyssa’s from—um...work.”

Closer to his son than he’d been so far, it was impossible not to notice Lucas’ eyes. They were bright and expressive, and they looked just like Oliver’s. Just like Robert’s, too. He’d inherited the Queens’ blue eyes. And Oliver couldn’t help but wonder how it made Felicity feel to look into her son’s eyes everyday. If it reminded her of _him_. Blinking back tears at the thought, Oliver held out his hand to Lucas. He wasn’t sure what else to do, wishing he could just pick his son up and hold him tight.

Lucas smiled, taking Oliver’s hand and shaking it happily. Then he tipped his head back to look up at Nyssa, “is he your boyfriend?”

“No,” Nyssa answered seriously, making a face of disgust that had Lucas covering his mouth to hide his laughter. “But we did attend a rather terrible wedding—” one harsh look from Oliver and she stopped, but not without a pointed smirk. 

Shrugging, Lucas moved on. “What’s for dinner?”

Nyssa led him to the kitchen, and Lucas trailed right behind her, so Oliver followed too. “What do you feel like cooking, little one?”

“Pancakes,” Lucas answered quickly, making Oliver smiled.

“Ah,” Nyssa raised an eyebrow. “If we do that, you _must_ keep it a secret from your mother.” She winked, “you know that’s her favorite and I wouldn’t want her to be upset she missed it.”

Without a word, Lucas raced down the hallway, disappearing into the room that Oliver had once known as Mia’s nursery. He came back out with a stool in his hands, his tongue between his lips as he focused on carrying it out to the kitchen. Oliver quickly moved to help, going along while Lucas instructed him where to set the stool up. And then he watched as his son climbed the steps, taking his place beside Nyssa while she pulled out everything they needed from the cabinets. 

“Oli—” She pinched her lips together, rubbing her hand over a distracted Lucas’ head, “ _Joe_ ,” Nyssa corrected herself, “think you could help your new friend here mix the batter?”

Never in a thousand years would Oliver have thought he’d find himself in this kitchen, being asked to make pancakes with the son he didn’t know he had and the ex-leader of the League of Assassins. 

Still, he nodded in agreement.

About halfway through a batch of way too many pancakes, Mia came bounding down the stairs and into the kitchen, making Oliver’s heart start to flutter all over again. “Something smells great!” The girl complimented, stopping when she noticed him.

Her eyes widened, and Nyssa quickly put her spatula down, stepping between them. “Mia, this is Joe. A friend of mine. He’s going to stay for dinner.”

His daughter tilted her head as she analyzed him, her curly hair bouncing and her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Yet the expression only lasted a moment. As quickly as it appeared on her face, it was gone. 

She didn’t say a word. Not a single question aside from asking Oliver if he would help her get the plates down from the shelf. Oliver nodded, his eyes wide as he watched her with as much fascination as she watched him. 

Mia hadn’t even been a year old when he left. She and Lucas were so close in age, yet Mia held herself and spoke as if she was much older than five, making it seem like the difference between them was bigger. 

He couldn’t get enough of it. Just watching them. Learning them. Their personalities and their mannerisms. He soaked it all in.

Oliver stayed for dinner, surprised and pleased at how quickly both of his kids seemed to warm up to him, as if it was instinct to trust him. At least he told himself that was the case, giving himself something to hold on to after he left. 

With each passing minute, Oliver grew more and more anxious, knowing that this night couldn’t last forever like he wished it would. Knowing that he’d have to go back to the Monitor before he came to collect him. Knowing that he needed to leave before Felicity arrived back home...because if he stayed, if he saw her, if she walked through that door and their family felt complete like he knew it would...Oliver wasn’t sure he’d be strong enough to leave.

After they finished dinner, Mia wanted to show him her drawings. And Nyssa left them at the table, slipping back into the kitchen and leaving him to spend the last bit of time he had with Lucas and Mia alone.

He listened attentively while Mia described all of her pictures, a dozen adorable attempts at getting Felicity’s ponytail right, Lucas, Nyssa, and even the dog she’d apparently been begging Felicity to get her lately. Oliver nodded, his eyes shifting between their two kids. He watched as Lucas climbed back onto his chair at the table with his own paper and colored pencils, his tongue sticking out of his mouth again; a quirk that Oliver realized meant his son was focusing.

Mia babbled just like her mother, but there was a subtle hardness about her that reminded him of himself. 

Oliver smiled, trying to burn this moment into his brain forever.

It wasn’t lost on him that none of Mia’s illustrations included him, or a single trace of a father figure. In her eyes, her family was complete. And Oliver had to work not to let it show how much that broke his heart.

“I have more family,” Mia finally whispered, shying back into her chair. He met the girl’s eyes, and even for a five year old, he was caught off-guard by the depth in them. “I have more pictures upstairs, but I know mommy gets worried when she sees those.” Mia chewed on her lip, and Oliver got the distinct feeling that she was trying to make him feel better. 

“Why does mommy get worried?” He asked gently.

Mia looked up at him, “because it hurts her heart to talk about you.”

He blinked in surprise, his shoulders stiffening. “Me?”

Nodding slowly, Mia put her little hand over his. And the feeling that she was trying to make him feel better...became much deeper. 

She was trying to tell him. 

She _knew_.

Oliver let out a sharp breath, at a loss for words as Mia squeezed his hand one more time. Then she began picking up her papers, stacking them into a neat pile in front of her. And he sat frozen, begging his mind to find _something_ to say that would make all of this okay. 

“How…” he shook his head, staring at Mia. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was projecting. Maybe she didn’t know as much as it felt like she did. 

_It hurts her heart to talk about you._

_You._

“Mia…” Oliver gasped, reaching for her, wanting so badly to hold her even though he still couldn’t find those damn words. 

His daughter instantly came to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him pull her from her chair and into his arms. She rubbed her hands up and down his back like she was trying to comfort him; something Felicity always used to do for him and something he guessed she did for their children, too. “Hi,” Oliver breathed, his voice thick with tension and tears as he held her tiny frame.

“Hi, daddy,” Mia whispered back, making him bite back a sob that wanted to escape.

This _hurt_. 

It burned in his chest as fiercely as the day he’d had to leave Felicity, pouring his heart out to her with his face in her hands because he didn’t have enough time to tell her everything. Just as he didn’t have enough time now to tell his children everything he wanted them to know.

It’d never be enough time. And that was the hardest part of it.

“Hey,” Nyssa interrupted from the doorway, giving them a strange look as she shook the phone in her hands. Her face revealed what she would say before she’d said it. Pity in her eyes. “Your mom’s on her way. I think it’s time Joe heads home.”

Holding Mia a little tighter, Oliver nodded. He kept her on his hip as he stood up from the chair, feeling her arms wrap around his shoulders. Mia buried her face in his neck, and he glanced back at Nyssa with fear and panic in his eyes. He watched the realization color Nyssa’s face, shock and disbelief as she realized what Mia knew. 

And if Mia knew… 

_Felicity_.

Swallowing down the dread, Oliver leaned over to Lucas, pulling his attention away from his drawing. “Goodbye, Lucas,” he mumbled, glad that the sadness in his voice went undetected by his son.

“Bye, Joe,” Lucas waved, oblivious. “You can come back next time Aunt Nyssa babysits if you want.”

Oliver’s lips twitched with a smile, knowing that it wouldn’t be possible but happy to have earned the invitation anyway. “Thank you, buddy…”

Without another word or thought, Lucas turned back to his coloring, and Oliver stood up with a deep sigh, his heart feeling heavier than it had in a long time. Mia held on to him tighter, her arms locking around his neck, and Oliver smoothed his hand down her back. “I wanna show you something,” his daughter whispered in his ear.

Instantly, Oliver nodded, letting her go when she wiggled to get down. Mia took his hand, leading him up the stairs and into the bedroom he’d once shared with Felicity. The very room where Mia had been born.

Already overwhelmed by this day, Oliver refused to pay too close attention to his surroundings, keeping his eyes on Mia while she pulled out the bottom drawer of Felicity’s dresser. 

His eyebrows furrowed, watching his daughter step onto it just so she could reach the top drawer. “Mommy doesn’t know I found this,” she mumbled. Her little hand dove into the mess of underwear and bras that Oliver knew Felicity kept in the top drawer. 

Mia dug around until she found what she was looking for. 

Without showing him, she pressed the item against her chest and hopped down from the dresser, turning to look up at him. “I knew it was you,” the little girl whispered.

Oliver stared down at her, at the offering in her hands that she finally held out to him. He accepted the photograph willingly, his eyes eagerly taking it in as Mia handed it over.

That was about all he could handle. 

The day finally broke him, and Oliver sank down onto the bed, unable to stop the tears that betrayed him. He covered his mouth, his vision blurring as he looked down at their first picture with Mia, just days after she was born. 

One of his biggest regrets was that he hadn’t taken a copy of this picture with him to hold on to. He hadn’t taken anything to remind him of his family. He didn’t have time, not when his options were _‘run now or die.’_

“It’s okay, daddy,” Mia whispered, quickly scrambling onto the bed and onto his lap. “That’s mommy, and that’s me, and that’s you.” She pulled her lips to the side, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Mommy shouldn’t know that you came here, daddy,” she said quietly, her voice holding too much seriousness and weight for such a tiny person. “I think she misses you, and it makes her sad. I know you can’t stay...or else you wouldn’t have left. And I don’t want mommy to be sad again.”

Oliver sighed, trying to compose himself, if only for her sake. For this child of theirs who was wise beyond her years. As smart, and as quick, and _definitely_ as beautiful as her mother. “I don’t want that either, baby.”

He wrapped Mia up in his embrace, his hand cupping the back of her head. And he closed his eyes, holding on to his little girl for as long as he could.

* * *

Even after he’d snuck out of the house, narrowly missing Felicity’s arrival, Oliver had a hard time leaving. He couldn’t help himself from hanging back in the woods, watching from the shadows as Felicity went inside. And a few minutes later, Nyssa came out, smirking and shaking her head as she got into her car, knowing that he was still around. 

It was killing him.

All he wanted to do was go back inside, fix everything that had been broken with their family, and never leave again. No matter how much he told himself that it wasn’t an option, that he didn’t have much time left before the Monitor would come looking for him, Oliver, once again, couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

He paced in the darkness, keeping himself warm, and trying his _damn best_ to be stronger. But it felt like torture. Each step he took towards the house, he wanted to keep walking. And each step he took away from it, he tried to force himself to keep moving, to just _stop_ looking back. But it wasn’t working.

Everything he needed was inside that house. Everyone that he desperately wanted to keep safe. Right _there_.

Maybe the Monitor would have to come and drag him away, after all.

While Oliver paced, the front door suddenly opened, and Felicity stepped out onto the porch. 

She’d changed into her pajamas, warm pants and a tank top. The same gray sweatshirt he’d worn earlier was wrapped around her shoulders. Her hair was down now, but her glasses were still in place.

Felicity leaned against the railing, and Oliver slunk back farther into the shadows. She kept her arms folded across her chest as the wind blew through her hair, and her eyes moved around the yard like she was looking for something. She pulled the sweatshirt tighter around herself, dropping her nose against her own shoulder and closing her eyes. The gesture wasn’t lost on him, the same way he’d savored her scent earlier. And Oliver choked on his next breath as Felicity’s eyebrows pushed together, wondering if she was noticing that the fabric smelled different now.

He definitely wasn’t breathing.

Oliver sucked in a harsh breath, keeping his eyes trained on her.

After minutes that felt like hours, Felicity set something down on the railing, stepping back to the door. Her gaze lingered where he stood, and it almost felt, just for a moment, as if she could feel him there. But she never looked directly at him. 

When his wife finally retreated back inside, she flipped off the porch light. Then the lights throughout the house began to go out one by one as she made her way upstairs. 

He waited, barely breathing, until there was nothing left but agonizing silence. 

And then he quickly and quietly approached the house, stopping just long enough to take whatever she’d left, because he had a rock in his stomach that said it was meant for him.

In the safety of the moonlight, Oliver looked down at the arrowhead Felicity had left sitting on top of a piece of white paper. He recognized it; a necklace he’d given her after Mia was born. Back then, Oliver had sanded down the edges so that it wasn’t sharp, still keeping the shape of the arrowhead. There had been a chain attached when he’d given it to her, but even without it, he knew it was the same green-tinted steel of his gift.

Oliver worried for a moment, confused as to why she would discard something he’d made for her. His finger grazed over the hidden mechanism at the bottom of the locket, knowing just where it was, but he didn’t open it yet.

Instead, he unfolded the paper she’d left beneath the locket, using it like a weight to keep the paper from flying away in the wind.

The moon was bright enough that he could see it.

First, he found himself staring down at a drawing that he assumed Lucas had colored after they’d finished dinner. It depicted Mia, then Lucas, then Nyssa, Felicity, and finally, seemingly as a second-thought, last minute addition; what could only be _him_...given that Lucas had chosen to draw him in green pants and a gray sweatshirt.

Oliver swallowed the lump in his throat, his mind racing with possibilities. 

Did Nyssa tell Felicity? Or did Mia change her mind about not wanting her mom to know that Oliver had come? Or did his wife see their son’s drawing and somehow _known_ that it was him standing beside her?

Turning the page over, Oliver read the words left in Felicity’s familiar scrawl. The message was simple. No expectations. No promises. No questions.

_‘You and me… Bigger than the universe.’_

Releasing a shaky breath, Oliver tucked the piece of paper into his pocket, right where he still carried that pamphlet from her party with her picture on the cover. Then he turned his attention to the arrowhead, sliding his finger over the latch again, pushing down this time.

The piece opened for him, revealing two photos that replaced the one of Mia he had put inside five years ago. Now, there was a recent picture of Mia on one side, her cheeks rosy with laughter. On the other side was a photo of Felicity holding Lucas that looked like it’d just been taken yesterday.

With tears springing to his eyes, Oliver closed the locket, gripping it in his hand.

And he understood. He knew that for however long it took, he would have this reminder. He would carry his family with him...until he could see them again. And he vowed that he would.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone please blame blondeeoneexox for this prompt! Also thank you for beta-ing though :)
> 
> Let me know what you think!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Best Parts of Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19711099) by [moonlight_mills](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_mills/pseuds/moonlight_mills)




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